Vegas, baby....Vegas!!

Nope....not going to Nevada. I'm heading out for four days of liberty in the Vegas of the Middle East: Bahrain!

The Chief Petty Officers of Navy Central Command (NAVCENT) have found it in their hearts to send me and about a dozen other sailors out of this big litterbox they call Kuwait to get some much-deserved R&R in Bahrain for New Year's. These cats get high marks from me. Taking care of their sailors, they are! Putting us up in a posh hotel in Manama, right in the midst of a kinds of festivities that are happening this weekend. Should be a good time. I'll let you know how it turned out when I get back.

Nothing else to report. No word on my departure date yet, either. Nevertheless, I've only got 61 more days left in the sandbox, so I'll be seein' y'all real soon either way!

Happy New Year!

Don't Lie to Me!

Have you been naughty or nice?

Just kidding. I'm sure you've been a bit of both.

Well, it's Christmas day and I just wanted to drop a quick note to wish everyone a Merry one and hope that Santa's been good to all of you. My day's been pretty uneventful, but then, this is Camp Arifjan so my expectations were pretty low anyway. :)

Got to sleep in until 0930, woke up & went and got a work out in, ate (a piece of ham & a little bit of mashed potatoes), and came in to work. Worked on the change of command ceremony itinerary that's coming up here in the next week & a half and called the family. (Thanks to Eileen for transferring me out to the in-laws' house when the morale minder wasn't working for me!) Everyone's up and getting ready to open up some presents. I know Santa's been good to my little stinkers, Maddy & Gracie, because they've been SO good for Mommy while I've been over here; I'm sure they're going to love everything they get. And they deserve all of it!

Nothing much else happening -- you know, the usual. I've been studying for my chief's test which is going down on January 18th, so that's been occupying a lot of my time. Gotta make sure I do well on that since this will be the best shot I have at it. And if you don't get a ticket you can't dance at the party, if ya knowhutimean. Got all my tickets punched so this'll be my best chance to make it -- just have to get past that little exam, which shouldn't be a problem. Just hope that Sailor of the Year curse doesn't catch me!

Anyways, I wish all of you a very Merry Christmas and hope that you're enjoying some well-deserved time off with family & friends. Have a great one and drink six or seven for me!

Temptation and G-14 Classified Good News

I get a lot of stuff. Excuse me....we get a lot of stuff! Seems like every day somebody is getting a box filled with fudge, cookies, hard candy, gummy bears, Twizzlers, Skittles, candy bars, etc., and there's no way one human could consume that much sugar (even over a period of several weeks) without ending up with severe indigestion or being issued a set of dentures from Medical after their teeth fall out. If one person isn't getting something, we get a box addressed to "any soldier" from nice people from all over the United States filled with the stuff. And I have to give it up to these people; not only for sending what they do, but for thinking ahead. You see, not only are the boxes filled with a couple hundred-thousand calories worth of candy and sweets, but they also include about sixty-seven toothbrushes and a metric butt-load of toothpaste to go with it. Smart.

I'm really grateful to all of these people for taking the time out of their days (and the money out of their pockets) to send us all this stuff, but as you may or may not know, I've been doing the Body-For-Life diet since November 6th so I haven't been able to partake. (The Twix I'm holding in the above pic is just a prop.) I'm allowed one "free day" a week -- which for me is Sunday -- where I'm allowed to eat and drink whatever I want, but for the other six days I've got to stick to my calorie-counting ways and rigorous work-out schedule. And I've done well thus far: I've dropped 20 pounds in the last six weeks. w00t! Still have about ten pounds to go to get to my target weight, but I've been working hard at it and won't be giving up anytime soon. All the candy and sweets, however, do make for a rather large temptation and I have succumed to it once or twice, but for the most part I've been a good about sticking to the plan.

It's funny -- it's very easy to lose a lot of weight here, but it's also extremely easy to gain a lot of weight, too. Between the 700 calorie steaks at the DFAC and the forty bushels of M&Ms at the office, one can pack on the pounds without even realizing it. I know a couple people who blew up like friggin' blood-ticks after only a few weeks of boots on ground. Crazy.

Anyways, if you're one of the many who have sent us all the good stuff....thank you! It is very much appreciated, even if some of us can't always indulge ourselves.

In other news -- and this is strictly 'Jimmy on the Low-Low' for now -- I may be getting out of here much earlier than expected. If the new Boss coming in picks a new aide-de-camp (which is the norm after a change of command), I could be outta here as early as January 20th. But, sshhhhh.....don't tell anybody. Gotta keep this on the down-low because it's just a possibility; nothing's firm yet. Don't wanna get anybody's hopes up. I'm only posting this here because I know you can keep a secret.

:)

Yay!

Saying Goodbye -- No, not to me...

Well, tonight I'll be taking my former Chief of Staff, Commander Aaron Bresnahan, to Kuwait City International Airport to head home. CDR B and I have worked side-by-side for the last three months working for General Ladnier and I have to say it was interesting. Despite a few flubs and faux pas, we worked together fabulously, and when you spend that much time with someone you get to know them pretty well. Eventually you'll start razzing one another, acquiring little inside jokes that are only funny to you two, and begin to know what the other's thinking in any given situation. And when your number's up and it's time to move on, you walk away with a funny story or two to pass on to the next poor sap who has to put up with you in your next tour. Well, here's my favorite little story about CDR B, which really (and humorously) put into perspective how I fit into the grand scheme here at the CDDOC:

About a month ago we were working on some awards, one of which was his. Knowing that yours truly is pretty handy with the pen, he asked for a little input. Now, being the hard-charging first class petty officer that I am, I had already pre-staged my departing evaluation and postulated that since he and I do very similar jobs, it'd be alright (and still pretty accurate) that he borrow some bullets from my eval for his own award. That was fine with him, so I proceeded to fill the 18 lines allowed with some fifty-dollar words taken from my own evaluation of my own performance. A couple highlights included:

"...exceptionally initiated, managed, and synchronized the daily schedule of numerous general officers, arranging office calls, coordinating military air and ground transportation with joint protocol offices, and ensuring smooth, timely movements between evolutions..."

"...utilizing meticulous time-management and unparalleled ambassadorship to visiting dignitaries and coalition forces, directly contributed to the senior joint leadership maximizing their effectiveness in support of the warfighter during Operations ENDURING FREEDOM and IRAQI FREEDOM..."

I was pretty proud of that. It sounded very important. Very executive. High class. White collar. Not quite 'The Man,' but at least 'The Man Standing Next to The Man,' if nothing else. I handed him my input, beaming. He read it and handed it back.

"I like the words you use, but...", he trailed off in his inimitable CDR B style. He's been known to walk past my desk, ask half a question, and continue walking.

"But what?", I ask.

"Well, it sounds a little too 'Johnny-Butt-Fuck-Carry-My-Bag' for my taste."

{silence}

He qualified that in his follow up, "But it sounds okay for you, though."

Nothing like a little pick-me-up from your boss.

We joked about that for the rest of our time here, calling each other "Johnny" whenever one of us was tasked with something that required zero brainpower and even less effort. So, for his going away present I presented him with "the prestigious and much-coveted aide-de-camp JBFCMB Award," something he could hang with pride on his I-Love-Me Wall. Right below the Employee of the Month certificate he got from Burger King during his sophomore year in high-school, no doubt.

But seriously, I know he didn't mean that personally. I have no delusions about my place in this top-heavy organization and know his job was much more important than mine. And it was good to see this normally reserved, quiet man get in a good laugh, even if it was at my expense, because he didn't seem to get too many of them. CDR B is a meticulous organizer and a bear for detail; the man knows how to get things done, and does his job in an efficient, unassuming way, always sure to cover all the bases and address every detail. I learned a lot from him.

He's the kind of guy you could go on an 18-hour flight with and never have one of those uncomfortable silences. I paid him the greatest compliment I can give someone today -- one I've only given to two other people that I've ever met: He's the best guy to be with when you want to be by yourself. Meaning, you don't have to entertain him, you don't have to make small talk. You can just sit there in silence, mind your own business and do your own thing. That's very refreshing to me. Sometimes I feel like I have to constantly be engaging people; keeping them talking (about whatever) or entertaining them so they don't get bored. I don't know why it is -- maybe it's just me. But he's one of the very few whose company you can enjoy without having to worry about whether or not they're having a good time. I've always appreciated that.

So, CDR B, if you ever read this, thanks. Thanks for your leadership, thanks for the example you set, and thanks for being who you are. I thoroughly enjoyed my time with you and hope you have a very Merry Christmas back home with your family. You've definitely earned it....

...."Johnny."

Boredom begets negativity

You know, I've been thinking -- hey, not too late start something new! -- I've been a little too negative about being over here for Christmas. I've been 'bah-humbuging' and just kinda being a Grinch about the whole deal and I've taken it out on you, my few, but very dear readers. I know it's because I'm bored. When you're bored, you start to think too much -- about things you're missing out on, things you could be doing, who you're missing most...it's just a downward spiral. But I won't digress into that story y'all know so well. I just never really counted my blessings since I've been here and I gotta tell ya, I was surprised. Well, not really surprised (I always knew what I had) but never really took it all in, so to speak. So today I'm just going to take a minute and list a very few of the many things I have to be thankful for:

• First and foremost, my beautiful wife, Amy. She has been an absolute saint about this whole deployment. Sure, she was a bit hesitant when I told her I wanted to go, but she understood why and supported me 110%. She has been a wonderful mother to our two beautiful little girls, has taken on a huge responsibility of being a single parent while I'm gone, taking care of everything back on the homefront (which is almost an overwhelming job on its own), all the while striving to better herself by taking classes and working out. She's taken care of me over here, sending me packages of stuff I like and need almost weekly, and has had a tremendously positive attitude even while I've been gone. I can't even begin to describe how much she means to me and how her love and support has enabled me to do my best over here. I love her so much -- I just don't have the words. Thank you for being who you are and loving me in spite of my many, many shortcomings, sweetheart. You make me want to be a better man for you and our girls.
• My "Little Punkins." I'm so thankful to have such a beautiful, smart, funny, talented, charming, and energetic pair of girls that sometimes I can't even believe I'm their Daddy. It just isn't enough to say I love them -- I adore my Maddy & Gracie Kate. They are my little stinkers and I thank God every day that he's allowed Amy & I to have these two wonderful little souls to raise. They are truly my own personal miracle.
• Mom, Dad, Suzanne, Mark & Emily. My parents & brother & sisters have been an absolute joy. Sure, we've had our turn getting lost in Dysfunction Junction, but the fact remains that they are my blood and they've been there for me through thick & thin. Every one of them mean the world to me and I wouldn't be who I am today if it weren't for the wonderful people they are individually and what they've been to me collectively. I'm so proud to call them my family. I am indeed a lucky man. Lucky to have such a sweet mother who did such a good job raising me to be a compassionate man but to always stick to my guns; lucky to have a father who worked so hard to provide for all us kids and taught me the meaning and importance of a good work ethic; lucky to have such an outspoken, loving sister who, even though I'm older, I still look up to; lucky to have a successful, caring brother who's always there when I need him; and lucky to have such a funny, talented sister who, when you're around her, always makes you feel like you're the star in your own movie. I have been truly blessed.
• My in-laws. Brad, Carol & Josh -- you can't really put a price on good in-laws. It makes a marriage so much easier. (Not that I would know otherwise.) But to say Brad, Carol & Josh are merely good wouldn't cut it, either. They're phenomenal people. To enjoy your spouse's family is a pretty rare commodity in this day and age, and I'm one lucky SOB to have sweet talked my way into theirs. I'm very thankful that they allowed me to marry their daughter.
• My friends. Tim, "I'm Eric Holiman, bitch!", Carlos, Dan & Jill, Barry & Leisa, Ray, Sam & Peggy, Morgan, Stewie, Bally, Drew, Langer, Jacob, Larsen, Gary, Joe, Todd, Strip, D.J., Eileen, Babs, Shannon, Nicole, Joey, Leslie, Tyrone, Denny, Steff, Mike, Cheri C., Misty, Robin, Jenny, Jason, Kinesha and many, many more that have done so much for me and meant so much to me over these past few months and over these last few years. I'm a better person having met and become friends with all of these people. These good peeps have enriched my life immeasurably and I'm a better person for having had the privilege of becoming friends with them. They say you're lucky if you have eight close friends in your entire lifetime...well, I can honestly say I've doubled that and then some.
• My bosses. Todd, number one, because the man has bent over backwards to help me out personally and professionally. He's gone the extra mile to help me become a better petty officer and hopefully, a good chief someday. Master Chief Flanary (Durant now, I guess -- congrats, Tom!) and Senior Chief Humphrey, both of whom have had my back since the git-go and have gone to bat for me on numerous occasions. They have hooked a brother up. And last, but certainly not least, LCDR Kile, who (along with his wife, Mimi) have made this deployment more bearable for both Amy and myself by taking care of me professionally and by helping Amy cope with our separation. These people are the very personification of leadership and, were it not for the fact that I still currently work for them, would be counted amongst my friends as well. They have taught me a lot and I'm thankful to have such professionalism and leadership to look to for guidance. (And I don't mean all this in an Eddie Haskel sort of way, either. My eval's already signed! w00t!)
• My Navy. Yes, I said My Navy. I know it's cheesy and cliched, but I don't really give a shit. I love the Navy. It's taught me a lot about myself and it's taught me a lot about other people. Plus, it's given me a steady paycheck for twelve years! But seriously, the Navy is a great organization with a rich heritage and a noble purpose. I'm proud to be a part of it.
• My neighbors. Sure, it's Wisteria Lane with all the girls huddled on the streetcorner gossiping all the time, but while it can be disturbing in it's content it's somehow comforting in its predictability. You can always count on Joey to be heading out to play in the next big (football, softball, golf...pick one) game, Jason & Brian in one of their garages welding/building/tinkering with their next big project, Cale wandering the streets with Abby looking for the houses with garage doors cracked with people inside smoking doobies, and Amy, Andrea, Leslie, Christy & Kerri outside, margaritas or beer in hand, whispering about who broke the bottles in the street during the party across the way the night before. I'm so glad we moved to the neighborhood we did because each and every one of these young families are interesting, nice, and different in their own ways that make them endearingly unique. They've taken care of and watched out for Amy & the girls while I've been gone and have been almost like a surrogate family. What a great bunch.
• Finally, my country. I'm thankful that we care enough about people to fight for them so they can live in freedom. I'm thankful that those sent over to fight and support the war aren't forgotten by those we serve to protect. I'm thankful that not only are we the most powerful country in the world, we're also the most generous country in the world. I'm thankful that we have a President who stands up for what he believes in and has the cajones to see it through to the end, even if that means some of us have to miss out on being home for the holidays. Bottom line: I'm thankful to be an American.

Well, that's a mouthful. But just know that if you're reading this that I'm thankful for you, too. Thankful for your support, thankful for your taking the time to read all these meandering thoughts, and most of all, thankful for your friendship. Happy Holidays!

I'm good enough, I'm smart enough...

...and goll darnit! People like me!

Last night I got to meet Al Franken, the guy who played Stuart Smalley on SNL back in the day. Yeah, I don't care much for his politics -- he's an ultra-left-wing liberal -- but he cares enough to come visit us out here in the desert during the holidays, so he's okay in my book. Him, a couple Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders, some model that was on the cover of FHM Magazine about a year ago, and a few country singers whose names I can't remember came out and put on a show a did a little autograph signing for us. It was pretty cool.

Felt kinda bad for one of the country singers there. The only one any of us (pictured at right: CDR Aaron Bresnahan, me, CDR Kurt Wendelken, the model chick and Al) were interested in meeting was Al Franken, so once we got our pic taken and shook his hand we were pretty much outta there. But there was a country singer to CDR B's right (who's cropped out of the pic) who was sitting there and he leaned over while we were BS'in after the pic, not paying any attention to him, who said, "Hey buu-ddy, want mah pic-ture, too?" So, of course we had to take it. Poor bastard. Sucks going to a place and nobody knows who the hell you're supposed to be.

Not much else to report except....75 days and I'm gone! Woo-hoo!!

Edit: The unknown singer in question was Darryl Worley. Sorry if I was supposed to know that.

Another American Idol

Well, I probably told y'all about how I met Kelly Clarkson at last year's "Texas Thunder" Air Show at NAS JRB Fort Worth. Remember? She took a ride with one of the Blue Angels and blew chunks about three times? Yeah, when she came off the plane she wasn't lookin' too hot. And her butt's a lot bigger in real life. But she was still kinda cute in an interstate-offramp kinda way.

Today Carrie Underwood showed up in Kuwait and did a little meet & greet with all the soldiers, sailors, Marines & airmen here at Camp Arifjan. I guess she's doing a bit of a tour. So of course there was a big line to meet her and get autographs and whatnot. I was going to buy her CD and have her autograph it and give it to Amy as a Christmas present -- Amy loves that song of her's "Jesus Take the Wheel," and I kinda like it, too -- but they ran out of them at the BX. Guess everybody hurried up and made a mad dash for her album as soon as they found out she was coming.

Anyways, I didn't get an autograph, but I got a pic with her. That was the highlight of my day today, but it looked a bit like she put her makeup on with a butter knife. And please! Somebody feed that girl! She could hula-hoop with a Cheerio she's so skinny. Cuter than Kelly, though.

But....BUT!!

Not nearly as beautiful as my wife! I love you, Amy!

How The Left Stole Christmas

I need to add that I didn't write this myself -- somebody sent it to me in one of those forever-forwarded emails. I just thought it was funny...

~ Matt

Twas the month before Christmas
When all through our land,
Not a Christian was praying
Nor taking a stand.

See the PC Police
had taken away --
The reason for Christmas?
no one could say.

The children were told by their schools not to sing,
About Shepherds and Wise Men and Angels and things.

It might hurt people's feelings, the teachers would say
December 25th is just a "Holiday".

Yet the shoppers were ready with cash, checks and credit
Pushing folks down to the floor just to get it!

CDs from Madonna, an X BOX, an I-pod
Something was changing, yes -- something quite odd!

Retailers promoted Ramadan and Kwanzaa
In hopes to sell books by Franken & Fonda.

As Targets were hanging their trees upside down
At Lowe's the word Christmas - was nowhere to be found.

At K-Mart and Staples and Penney's and Sears
You won't hear the word Christmas; it won't touch your ears.

Inclusive, sensitive, Di-ver-si-ty
Are words that were used to intimidate me.

Now Daschle, Now Darden, Now Sharpton, Wolf Blitzen
On Boxer, on Rather, on Kerry, on Clinton!

At the top of the Senate, there arose such a clatter
To eliminate Jesus, in all public matter.

And we spoke not a word, as they took away our faith.
Forbidden to speak of salvation and grace.

The true Gift of Christmas was exchanged and discarded
The reason for the season: stopped before it started.

So as you celebrate "Winter Break" under your "Dream Tree"
Sipping your Starbucks, listen to me.

Choose your words carefully, choose what you say
Shout MERRY CHRISTMAS, not Happy Holiday!

Sailors belong on ships

Well, it's finally December and I have to admit, the time is flying. In about three short months from today I'll be on a plane heading back to the ol' U.S. of A. They've been playing holiday music on AFN (Armed Forces Network) radio lately and I gotta tell ya, this ain't Christmas to me, Jack. Stuck in the middle of the desert listening to Bing Crosby just doesn't quite bring out that festive spirit for some reason. I hate to sound like I'm complaining all the time, but being stuck here during the holidays blows chunks. Didn't get to help Amy put up the lights, didn't get to decorate the tree, won't get to see The Stinkers open up their presents, and didn't even get the chance to remind Amy that the nativity set she just had to have (and that gets put out once a year for three weeks) cost more than the chess table I had to beg for. At least if I was deployed on a ship I'd feel like I was doing something productive, but as it is I just feel like I'm missing out. Bah, humbug.

While we're nowhere near the subject...

In other news, the Pope is on his way to Turkey to meet with Islamic clerics and spread the good message of dialogue and "brotherhood" to the Muslims. I suppose this is his pennance for putting his foot in his mouth a few months ago with his statement that Mohammed's teachings were "evil and inhuman." It's political. It's gotta be. If it's not, I don't understand why he bothers. Who cares if the Muslims and the Catholics don't get along, so long as they're not strapping a dozen bricks of C4 to their chests during mass? I mean, c'mon. Don't both religions -- deep down -- believe those who don't subscribe to their respective faiths are gonna burn in hell anyway? Since these people get all worked up over semantics, it seems to me that would be the bigger insult.

Why did the Muslims get so upset with Big Benedict about what he said anyway? All they'd have had to do is turn around and say, "Yeah, well, Ben? You're going to hell for that. Dirka, dirka, blah lah la." Can you imagine the outrage that would've followed if they'd have dropped the H-bomb on the Pope? Freaky. Probably would've blown a few minds to think about where those other priestly pederasts were headed after their convictions, too.

Anyways, gotta run. Preps, ya know. Might be a couple of big-shots coming to town soon so of course it's DEFCON 1 around here. God forbid someone doesn't get their door opened or their ass wiped. Catch ya later.