Git to da choppa!

Whew! Last couple days just FLEW by. Boss had a conference at Al Udeid Air Base (the biggest air base in the CENTCOM AOR) and a few office calls with a couple big shots down in Bahrain. The good thing about those places is: BEER! Fell off the wagon for a couple days to indulge in a few empty calories, but I’m back on it and ready to hit the gym this afternoon. Always good to get a break from the daily grind and drown your sorrows in a few bottles of malted hops. Here’s a few pics from the weekend’s events:

Heading to Qatar in the Blackhawk. I love helicopters...

Me & LCDR Brian Malloy enjoying a couple frosty beverages.

Major General Eugene "Gray" Payne (aka. The Boss) & me

Sombreros for everybody!

Big pimpin' it at the Sherlock Holmes Club at the Gulf Hotel in downtown Manama, Bahrain. You know how we do.

George Costanza ain't got shit on me.

Phat.....like Cindy Crawford!

I've been on the Body for Life diet now since November 6th. Spent almost two months in the sandbox before I finally hunkered down and got serious about shedding some of this extra weight I've been packing on since Amy & I got married. I mean, let's face it: there comes a time in a man's life where the terms "cute baby fat" and "a pudgy little teddy bear" no longer apply. I was weighing in at a hefty 215 when I left last August. I knew I was living large...how could I not? Some people like to try and justify their weight or excuse their eating habits by saying things like, "Oh, I'm just big boned." Bullshit. Dinosaurs are big boned. You're fat. Or "Well, I'm just a little heavy." Again, bullshit. Aircraft carriers are heavy. You're fat. These cutesy little PC euphemisms are just brain fodder for the lazy no-load who doesn't have the self-discipline to put down that ninth Krispy Kreme, push his fat-ass away from the table and get outside and run a few miles.

So in keeping with the spirit of calling a spade a spade and all, I was getting pretty FAT there for a hot minute myself. But I want y'all to know that I know that and I'm through lying to myself. Much like that fourth Twinky, lies are bad for you. They rationalize your situation in your own mind and beget complacency. That said, I've changed my way of thinking and my habits. I've sorted out my priorities and am now a full-fledged, four-alarm, neurotic health nut. (Okay, maybe not neurotic, but I watch what I eat.)

Like I said, I weighed about 215 before I left. Looking a pictures from my going away party -- remember? Everyone shaved my head? -- I was looking every ounce of that 215, too. Not too attractive there, Tubby. So, I vowed to myself (and my wife) that I would come home thin. At first I told her I'd come home "thinNER," but c'mon....who was I trying to bullshit here? You have to BE thin to get thin-NER. Bottom line: I just had to lose some serious poundage, so finally I just said I'd come home thin.

Amy, I'm making good on my promise!

Today I jumped on the scale at the Zone 1 Gym and I have to admit, I was a little nervous. I started on the BFL diet but once I hit 195 (20 pounds!) I started to cheat a little here and there. Not gorging on sweets or going overboard with snacks or anything -- I just let the rigidness of the program slide a little bit, but I watched my portions and kept the workout routine going. That's what I'm doing today. I'm just trying to maintain my weight and get healthy. I'll have a treat or two every now and then, but I'm not camped out in front of the candy table like a couple of the other fat asses around here. So anyway, back to my story....

I get on the scale this afternoon and, like I said, I was a little anxious. Not sticking exactly to the BFL diet had me worried. Imagine my surprise when I hop on it in PT gear, look down, and the scale reads 188. One hundred eighty-eight pounds! I haven't weighed that much (or, more accurately, that little) since....geesh, I can't remember when. Three more and I'll have lost 30 pounds!! Crazyness. Absolutely crazy. I couldn't believe it. Needless to say I'm pretty happy about my progress. I'm going to try and get those last three pounds gone before I head back home in 47 days, but if I can squeeze out another five and make it down to 180, I'll definitely make a go of it.

So that's my story for today. And I’m stickin’ to it. Like my diet.

Eat your heart out, Fabio.

I'm back!

Happy New Year!

I got back from Bahrain in one piece, but the whole trip is pretty hazy to me personally. It gets a little fuzzy right around the time we were all sitting around the hotel bar doing shots of Captain Morgan's and drinking Hennessy & Red Bull, doing "the shopping cart" and "the lawnmower" on the dance floor. The A-Rabs over there are pretty crazy, too. The men (wearing man dresses and that thing on their heads) apparently have no compunction whatever about dancing and grinding all up on each other to what, to me, sounds like the same whining songs over and over. Makes me feel a lot better about my signature dance, “The White Man’s Overbite.” (That's how I roll.) I shaved my chest with a pair of desk scissors sometime during the course of the weekend, too, but exactly when I'm not sure. I guess I figured I’d get a head-start on the surgery I had on the Wednesday after I got back. Itches like crazy now. Anyways, they tell me I had a pretty good time.

In other news, the new boss is here. Marine Corps Brigadier General Eugene “Gray” Payne is taking over for General Ladnier in the next couple of days. Seems like a real nice guy. He found out yesterday that he, too, picked up his second star, so that’s good news for everybody. Always nice when your boss starts off with a positive experience. With any luck he’ll replace me with a new Aide-De-Camp so I can focus on doing what I was supposed to be doing here from the git-go. It’s been educational and all, but I’ve gotten my fill of face time with the big brass and it’d be great if they could send me off to a corner for my last 48 days and just forget about me. It was an eye-opening experience working this closely with really senior military leaders, but if this job has taught me one thing about myself it’s that I am definitely a blue-collar guy. All the politics are just so...draining. It is, however, pretty fun to watch a bunch of normally haughty and high-handed officers trip over themselves trying to brown-nose the boss. But despite the entertainment value, I’m ready to get out of this desk and enjoy my last couple of weeks in relative obscurity. Maybe even get a day or two off.

Speaking of, it looks like I won’t be heading home early after all. They don’t want to let anyone leave without a relief on post -- Pandora’s Box and all that. Figured I might've had a shot -- the Navy Region Southeast Sailor of the Year board is going down February 4-8 and were I home I'd represent NAS JRB Fort Worth at that -- but alas, no dice. S'all good though. I’ve only got about six short weeks left and I can do that standing on my head, baby.

Catch y’all later!